The Unspoken

Tag: love

  • Our Middle Name Was Never Ours

    Black and white photo focusing on a woman and a child from afar.

    Our middle name isn’t a name.
    It’s a chain.
    A line of men, our father, his father, and the one before him,
    stitched into our identity like a family tree with no branches for women.

    In much of the Arab world, we don’t inherit our mothers’ names.
    Not their first. Not their last. Not even a letter of them.
    We carry our father’s name as our middle, and his father’s as our last.
    A lineage of men.
    Unbroken. Unquestioned. Unfair.

    Growing up, we never thought to ask why.
    It was just how things were.
    When someone read our name out loud, we nodded.
    Even when it felt foreign to us,
    not just in pronunciation, but in ownership.

    Because no one ever said our mothers’ names in public.
    Not at school. Not at church. Not at family gatherings.
    It was private. Sometimes even shameful,
    as if protecting her meant erasing her.

    And yet, when our names were spoken,
    we felt the absence of her.
    The silence where she should’ve been.

    Some assume this naming system is religious.
    But it’s not.
    It’s not just Islamic. Not just Christian.
    It’s cultural.
    A regional tradition upheld across faiths,
    woven deep into our systems, stories, and expectations.
    A patriarchy disguised as respect.

    A system that traces a woman’s identity through the men in her life,
    first her father, then her husband, maybe her son.
    A system that says:
    You belong to him. Then to him. And never fully to yourself.

    Yes, the West has its own problems.
    Women still taking their husband’s names by default.
    Pressure to erase your identity for love.
    But at least the conversation exists.
    At least some people question it.

    In many Arab households, this naming system is sacred.
    To challenge it is to challenge tradition,
    which often feels like challenging loyalty.
    Family. Faith. God.

    But what if asking these questions isn’t betrayal,
    but healing?

    What if honoring our mothers doesn’t dishonor our fathers?
    What if lineage doesn’t have to be one-sided to be strong?
    What if we want to carry our mothers’ names too,
    not in secret, but in full voice?

    They raised us.
    They stayed up through our fevers.
    They taught us how to be soft and brave in the same breath.
    They held our fears when we didn’t have words.

    And yet, when our names are written on paper,
    they disappear.

    Maybe we’re not just asking to say their names out loud.
    Maybe we’re asking to write them into the record,
    onto birth certificates, identity cards, passports.
    Not as an exception, but as a right.

    Maybe we’re ready to question not just tradition,
    but the systems that keep it unquestioned.

    Because this isn’t just about memory,
    it’s about visibility.
    Dignity.
    Change.

  • Stuck in the Shadows of Our Fathers


    The Invisible Control Still Shaping Women’s Lives in the Arab World

    Some of us were born into the so-called 1%.
    Raised in the capitals of our countries.
    Surrounded by art, education, liberal pockets of “freedom.”
    We like to think we’re modern.
    That we’ve outgrown the old rules.

    But ever stop to ask:
    How free are we, really, as women in the Middle East?

    Ever catch yourself thinking twice before sitting in a car with a man?
    Ever feel that subtle shame when you see another woman doing it and think:

    “Mmm, that doesn’t look… clean”?

    That’s not just your judgment talking.
    That’s the generational virus, passed down from fathers, cousins, even ourselves even if we like to believe we’re not infected.

    We are.

    We grew up with governments run by men, with a handful of women tossed in for show, “quota women” who often couldn’t (or wouldn’t) fight for our rights.
    And when a woman does get elected?
    She’s usually expected to be modest, religious, “presentable.”
    Not tattooed. Not loud. Not free.

    We say we’re modern.
    But we’re still living in the shadows of men born in the 1950s, raised in the ‘60s, ‘70s, and ‘80s
    men whose rules were never about justice, only about control.

    In their world, if a woman was seen out late,
    she wasn’t working late.
    She wasn’t running errands.
    She wasn’t with friends.

    No, she was doing something dirty.

    If she smoked, she wasn’t casual.
    She was cheap.

    If she had a drink?
    She must be asking to be used.
    Not wife material.

    These weren’t fringe ideas.
    They were the standard.

    And the worst part?
    That mentality never really died.
    It just evolved.
    Wrapped itself in softer language.
    Became “suggestions,” “concerns,” “warnings.”

    It’s no longer:

    “You’ll ruin the family name.”

    Now it’s:

    “Just be careful — you know how people talk.”

    And they do talk.
    Let’s not pretend otherwise.

    You could grow up in the most educated, well-traveled, “open-minded” family
    but don’t tell me you don’t have at least one relative who still says:

    • “Don’t bring a guy over what will the neighbours think?”
    • “She’s in a car with a man? That’s not appropriate.”
    • “Be careful about your reputation, you don’t want to be that girl.”

    A woman’s worth is still measured by how little she’s seen.
    How quiet she is. How covered she stays. How well she hides.

    Meanwhile?
    Men flirt.
    Men cheat.
    Men catcall.
    Men slide into DMs and get celebrated for “having game.”

    He’s not seen as impure.
    He’s just figuring things out.
    He makes mistakes.
    She is one.

    We’ve built a system where a man’s actions are his own
    but a woman’s actions belong to everyone else.

    Her body is a community project.
    Her choices reflect her father’s pride.
    Her voice threatens her brother’s ego.
    Her independence offends her mother’s sense of reputation.

    And when a man crosses a line
    when he harasses, assaults, or takes advantage
    we still blame the woman.

    Because:

    • “She shouldn’t have been out that late.”
    • “What was she wearing?”
    • “She gave him the wrong idea.”

    But we never ask:
    Why did the man feel entitled to cross the line in the first place?
    Why aren’t men taught to carry the burden of their own actions?
    Why is honour only ever dumped on women’s shoulders — and never theirs?

    The answer is ugly.
    Because in our societies, a man is always just a man.
    But a woman?

    She’s a reputation.
    A symbol.
    A risk.
    A warning.

    And we’ve punished her, generation after generation — for simply existing.

    It’s time we stop calling this “culture.”
    It’s control.

    And it’s time we name it for what it is.

  • When Oud Meets Indie Beats: The Dance of Arab-American Love

    Love is beautiful and complex. Mix in the intoxicating blend of Arab passion and American frankness, and suddenly every glance, every touch, every word carries a rich tapestry of desire, curiosity, and unspoken meaning.

    This is more than a meeting of cultures, it’s a dance between fire and ice, rhythm and silence, poetry and blunt truth.

    In Arab homes, love is expressed through electric touch, fingers brushing, hands lingering, a kiss that says everything before a word is spoken. It’s the warmth of family gatherings filled with laughter, stories, and closeness that invites you to lean in.

    In American lives, love often breathes in space, spoken openly, direct, sometimes distant but always clear. Boundaries are honoured. A hug is an invitation, not automatic. Words carry weight, both promises and truths.

    When these two worlds come together, in the bedroom, around the dinner table, or in quiet moments before sleep, a magical dance begins. Sometimes a slow, sensual tango; sometimes a playful back-and-forth where hearts tuned to oud melodies and whispered poetry try to sync with beats of indie honesty and raw truth.

    This dance calls for patience and learning, discovering the secret language of touch and tone, knowing when to step forward and when to give space, recognising when silence speaks louder than words.

    It means understanding that culture shapes us, but doesn’t define all of us. Each partner is a universe of complexity, longing, and contradictions—waiting to be known.

    Love between Arab and American hearts is a wild bridge, built on desire, empathy, patience, and courage. It’s about embracing difference without losing connection, choosing understanding over judgment, and meeting each other halfway even when the path is winding.

    There will be moments when words fail or gestures are misunderstood, but those moments are not the end, they are invitations to deepen empathy, to listen more carefully, to hold space for growth.

    Learning to love across cultures means seeing your partner not just through the lens of background or habit, but as a whole person with a story, fears, dreams, and hopes that deserve respect.

    It means speaking honestly while holding kindness, honouring boundaries while reaching for closeness, and nurturing a shared language made up of trust, vulnerability, and grace.

    When you build love this way, you create a connection that’s richer and stronger than the sum of your differences, a love that can weather storms and shine brightly in the quiet everyday moments.

    For anyone standing between two worlds, navigating identities, expectations, and the pull of belonging, know this: love is possible. It is a journey of discovery, patience, and courage. And it’s one worth taking.

    Because in the meeting of East and West, passion and frankness, fire and ice, oud melodies and indie beats, we find not conflict, but connection, an ever-evolving story of two hearts learning to beat as one.

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  • Her Body Is Not Your Honour

    Defiance

    In too many corners of the Middle East, a woman walks through life carrying not just her own reputation, but the reputation of her entire family, community, even tribe, on her body.

    Not on her achievements.
    Not on her intellect.
    Not on her dreams.
    But on her body, how she dresses, where she goes, who she’s seen with, whether her virginity is “intact,” whether she speaks too freely, whether she smiles at the wrong time, whether she says no.

    Honour is not something she earns.
    It’s something they take from her, and claim as their own.

    Let’s Call It What It Is: Obsession.

    Society claims it’s protecting women.
    What it’s really doing is controlling them, through an obsession with sex cloaked in the language of “honour.”

    If she wears something revealing, she must be asking for attention.
    If she stays out late, she must be doing something dirty.
    If she lives alone, she must be sleeping around.
    If she laughs in public, dances, travels, breathes too loudly, her “value” is in question.

    She is no longer pure.
    No longer respectable.
    No longer worthy.

    Because in this twisted logic, a woman is only as valuable as the assumptions made about what she does, or doesn’t do, with her body.

    Her Body Becomes Everyone’s Business. Except Hers.

    She doesn’t get to own her image.
    She doesn’t get to define her reputation.
    She doesn’t get to exist freely, without being interpreted, sexualised, moralised, criminalised, by everyone else.

    The moment she claims agency over her own body, the moment she says, “This is mine, not yours”, she becomes dangerous.
    Cheap.
    Immoral.
    Unmarriageable.

    But a woman who’s silent, obedient, invisible, who folds herself small and stays inside, she’s pure.

    She’s the good one.

    She is suffocating, but at least she is “honourable.”

    What Kind of Honour Is That?

    What kind of culture places a family’s reputation inside a girl’s hymen?
    What kind of logic ties morality to modesty but excuses violence, gossip, and male entitlement?
    What kind of honour only survives if a woman is silent, shamed, and scared?

    When a man rapes a woman, her reputation is destroyed — not his.
    When a woman chooses to speak, to love, to live — her family feels dishonoured, not empowered.
    When a woman breaks free from the suffocating expectations, they say she’s too Western, too wild, too free.

    But what they really mean is: too unowned.

    Honour Is Not in Her Body. It’s in Her Humanity.

    Real honour is raising daughters who know they belong to themselves.
    Real honour is teaching boys that respect is not conditional on control.
    Real honour is protecting a woman’s right to choose, not punishing her for it.

    And real shame?
    It’s not in her jeans, her makeup, her dancing, or her decisions.
    It’s in the hands of those who judge her, harass her, stalk her, slut-shame her, beat her, and call it love.

    To Every Girl Tired of Being Watched, Judged, and Reduced to Her “Purity” — You’re Not Alone.

    You are not a symbol.
    You are not a vessel for family pride.
    You are not a walking, talking object of shame or restraint.

    You are a whole human being.
    With a body that belongs to no one but you.
    With honour that lives in your character, not your virginity.
    With freedom that is yours by birthright, not by permission.

    Enough is enough.
    We are done tying a woman’s worth to the size of her dress, or the silence of her voice.
    This culture of policing women under the name of “honour” is not protection.
    It’s oppression.
    And it ends with us.